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Thoughts of Miss Nobody

Rolling Film

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It’s very unusual for me to be seen with a large camera that everyone knows as DSLR. I am not a photography major or anything related to the profession of photography but I really enjoy taking pictures. For some reason, it makes me happy taking pictures of my friends–especially when it’s in black and white. My love for black and white will never fade and as you can see, my whole page is in b&w.

I’ve realized something while taking pictures of random things one time that the camera is amazing. It’s so amazing that it can capture special moments in your life that you’d want to treasure forever. The eyes can be one of the tool to capture those memories but most of the time, our memory loosens. Others can’t really understand the love I have for cameras and it makes me sad because some think that we don’t really need to take pictures of it or something. I know it isn’t necessary but there will be a time that you’ll regret that you didn’t get to capture something beautiful in your life and that you’d want to reminisce about it over and over again.

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The Guy I Like

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There will always be a time when somebody’s going to ask you what type of guy do you like and I have given it a thought and decided to write it down in here so I won’t forget it. I asked myself, What type of guy do I like? I have thought about it and realized, I think I’m an ambitious person because I don’t think the type of guy I like would like me back. Do you see my dilemma here? Anyway, let me list down the things I like for my ideal guy:

1. God fearing – Somewhere, somehow, I want my guy to be God fearing. It’s a must and it can never be erased on be replaced on the top of my list. I believe that if you have this kind of personality, you really have a good heart or something.

2. Good singer – I really like guys with good voices. It’s like a plus plus plus plus point for me. I fall inlove easily with guys who sings good. My dream is always to sleep while he’s singing to me. Imagine that beautiful voice singing you a lullaby before you go to sleep. Ahh.

3. Muscles – I mean not the big ones because I really don’t like. A guy with muscles is enough and if you’re asking me if I like abs, well no. Well it depends if it looks good on guys. But abs isn’t really my thing but muscles are. I just fall in love with it. An example would be this Korean actor named Park Seo Joon. I’ve totally fallen for him head over heels. Man.

4. Tall guys – My height is 5’4″ and I really want a tall guy because I still want to wear heels for formal occasions. I’m the sneaker type girl but I still wear heels. 5’7″ or 5’8″ would do I think?

5. Has a nice smile – I like guys with pretty smile. You know GDragon of Bigbang? He really has a nice smile and it makes my heart flutter whenever he flashes his smile. That kind of smile is what I mean.

6. Guys who likes kids – I’m a kid lover and I’m always updated with ‘Return of Superman’ episodes. My love for kids is undying because whenever I see a baby or a cute kid, I tend to play with them and make the smile or laugh. I hope he’s like that too.

…Anyway, that’s basically it. The rest can be an additional like the good looks. I’m not really aiming for a Logan Lerman look even though I really want to. I guess good looks is a bonus haha.

I want to be free

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The picture above represents the inside me wanting to get out of this house. I’m not a rebel at all. I’m just a normal college girl who is obedient of whatever their parent says. This is just me, bursting out from all the things I’m feeling. I’m kind of pressured right now because of the things my school gives me. It’s annoying and I can’t stand it. They’re looking at us as if we aren’t perfect and that we need to be perfect so that’s why they’re making us do several things which we don’t like. I’m not perfect. No one is. At least in this world.

I just want to be free. Like that girl lying on the road, freely spreading her arms wide. It makes me crave for that freedom too. At least for a while because I know nothing lasts forever. In this damn mad world. If you’re asking me what kind of freedom do I want, I guess it’s to be free from my parents for a while. To be out at least of my house. Be on a road trip with my friends. Spend nights together, hanging out and have bonfire while jamming every night.

It happened to me before. But I miss it. I miss that kind of feeling. That peaceful feeling in my head and heart that you aren’t thinking about problems. Maybe you are but not the kind of problem that would give you a headache or stress. I want to laugh like there’s no tomorrow. Laughing at silly and corny jokes.

Do you get what I’m trying to say? I’m basically just ranting about what I feel right now and I’m sorry if I’m not making sense. Again, it’s about my personal life and my opinion and wants. And if you agree to this, then, yay thanks. At least I get to connect with somebody.

What to do?

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It was out of nowhere when I first heard his voice. I was busy doing something that time when he came holding out a plastic with food inside for his co-actor. He gave the food to her and sat down to eat. While walking to the other side, I passed by him. I looked at him through my peripheral view and secretly looked at him. He’s cute. That was my first impression of him. After a while, we sat down while he and his co-actor went up on stage to do some rehearsal. I was wondering what his character were and I was surprised after watching their first run. I buried myself with my jacket while he does his cute little “meow” sound. My heart seriously died and fluttered.

We needed to put on their lapels before they do their second run and from far away, I was staring at him. This guy is really cute. I can’t seem to take my eyes off him. I know I’ve seen him before but I can’t seem to figure out where. After their last show, I got his full name and searched for him on Facebook. I found out we go to the same school before. It’s funny because we came in the same year–2012.

I don’t want to call it fate or destiny because I’m not even sure if it is. Now I think I know why I think his face was familiar. That university is huge and probably there’s a 1% chance I’ve seen him before. But let’s put that aside.

Ever since that day, I couldn’t even stop thinking about him and even talk about him with my friends. My mouth keeps blurting out his name. Call me crazy but I’m pretty sure you can relate with me on this when you’re starting to like someone or like someone actually. I’m still in the first level of “falling in love” but it’s hard to fall in this situation. And I don’t know what to do because he’s there, far away from me, and I’m here. Distance. It sucks.

I’m so conscious in everything I do on Facebook to “look good” for him and hoping that he’ll stalk my page someday. Still hoping even though it sounds so stupid. Well, you do stupid things when you’re in love anyway.

Up to now, while writing these things down, I can’t help but smile whenever I think of him because his cuteness really overflows. Even though he doesn’t look good on pictures, he looks so good in personal. Sigh, what am I saying? Is this really the effect whenever you like someone or something? 

10 Signs That You Haven’t Moved On From Him Yet

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You think you’ve already moved on from your past love? Think again. Your mind may tell you that you’ve already forgotten him but your actions shows that you’re still into him. Always remember, Action Speaks Louder than Words, honey.

#1. You still check his Social Media Accounts.

Admit it. You might have stopped for a while but when a recent update from him appears about what he’s been up to lately, your feelings go out of control again.

#2. You thought you know everything about him. But no, you actually don’t.

He might be the “ideal man” for you because of his charms and handsome look but deep inside there are still things you don’t know. His dark secrets that only his closest friends know. And you’re surprised because he didn’t tell you about those things when you two were still dating. You feel unfair about it.

#3. You give him the rolling eyes look when bumping into him.

Every girl does this. You give him that look to pretend that you “don’t care” anymore or that you’ve already moved on. But honestly, you haven’t because you’re still affected by doing that.

#4. You still keep the things he gave you.

Yes it’s difficult to throw those away. But keeping those small or big memories only shows that you haven’t really moved on. Honey, you better let go of those things now. It’s time to move on.

 #5. You see him with a new girl and you’re like @#$%^!?&

Your temper suddenly goes up because you saw him hanging out with this new girl prettier than you and he’s all smiles while talking to her.

#6. You try to sleep but you can’t because you keep thinking about him.

Of course, you can’t just forget everything you and him did in a flash. You still tend to think about him and reminisce the things you guys did while you’re still dating. But it’s been a while now, you should stop and get yourself some sleep.

#7. You get all emotional because a song comes up that reminds you of him.

A song came up on the radio or on your playlist that reminds you of him or a memory of you guys together. You get all bitter and couldn’t enjoy the song anymore.

#8. You still have his messages on your inbox.

This is one of the worst things you could do if you’re trying to move on. You can’t say you’re done with him or you’ve forgotten him already if you still read his long ass message that he sends you every night before you sleep. Are you even sure you’ve moved on?

#9. You refuse to date someone new.

One reason why you refuse: You still think that he’s the best guy you’ve ever had because of all the memories and experiences you guys did while dating. People around you have been telling you to date or find someone new but you keep refusing. What is wrong with you??

#10. You act like you’re doing perfectly fine but deep inside you’re not.

You’re out with your friends on a Friday night, partying like crazy. You keep dancing crazily and shouting randomly pretending you’re having fun. But later on, you’ll break down to tears because you remembered him again and then go back to being perfectly fine.

Those are the ten signs I’ve thought about *not from my experience*. I hope that you get to read this, to those who needed this. If you can relate to this, then I hope you get a grip of yourself and start moving on. I know you deserve someone better. You deserve to be happy.

Cup of Coffee

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I look at him from afar not wanting him to notice me. Our eyes have met several times before but I don’t think it has any meaning. His face shines whenever he smiles. His cute dimple on the left cheek shows up. He is playful and a little childish but he’s also a serious type of person. He’s got sense of humor that keeps up with the mood with his friends. He rides along with the corniest joke and laughs at it. I’ve always wondered, does he notice me? Does he notice my stares towards him? Does he? I’m dying to know.

Despite the positive attitudes, I know he has a cold heart. A long line of lovers awaits him but he doesn’t respond to any because none of it interests him. Sad to say, I was one of them. He ignored and gave us sign that he isn’t interested at all. Look for another guy to like. It’s only my gut feeling that I’m part of the people he ignored because of his actions. Our eyes doesn’t meet anymore and even if we do, it only lasted for 0.1 second. It usually lasts for about 5 seconds but now, it doesn’t happen anymore.

I want to give him a cup of coffee as a present. No occassion at all. Just a simple present to inform him that he needed that to warm his cold heart. It needs to melt and break down for him to start being nice towards the people loving him. Knowing he has that kind of heart, it didn’t stop me from looking at him. Admiring him secretly. I know deep down him, he has a soft and warm heart that everyone likes. I just hope he drinks a hot cup of coffee soon.

Go Away

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There are times when I shut people out from me because I wanted to have a time alone. It happens randomly only. Why am I doing this, you ask? Well there are times that I wanted to be alone or by myself. I sometimes get tired of having people around me. I’m not quite sure if you guys feel the same way as me but that’s my personal experience.

Having a time alone makes me think of life and reflect the things I did on that day or for the previous days. It’s better to think about life when you’re alone. It gives you peace. The only thing loud is your mind because of the thoughts that keeps popping inside. Other times, I wanted to be alone only. That’s it. I just don’t want people around me. But that’s just temporary because my introvert-ness kicks in. I’m pretty sure some extroverts have those times when they wanted to be alone by themselves. It happens. I’m pretty sure of it.

I usually think about the wrong words I said or the wrong things I did. I would be like, “What the hell did I just do/say? Are you stupid?!” etc. Or other times, I just scroll down and down till I get bored on my Facebook or Instagram feed.

I just have a few more words to say about having your own “me-time”. It feels nice to sometimes have a space for yourself. For some people, they needed that time to recharge themselves if ever they got tired of bejng around with too much people. It’s fun and nice to have that time alone because there are many things that you could realize. You would say, “Oh yeah! Why didn’t I think of that?” and more realization stuff.

Crap!

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“Crap!” is what I said when I finally understood what it means. It was that day when my heart keeps beating fast whenever I see him. Or catch a glimpse of him whenever he passes by. It’s funny because back before when school started, I told myself to not fall in love this year. Why? Because love hurts. I mean, it only hurts once the person you love did something bad to you or worse, when that person does not love you back. At all.

Let’s go back to 2014. Yes, it was just recently. I was a new student in this non-trad school where I met a guy. This guy wasn’t my type at all when it comes to the outside appearance. Or so I thought. It all started when I was just hanging around by myself inside a room, listening to music while waiting for my next class. He was there jamming with some other people. They were playing the ukulele while singing. Just then, I heard this beautiful voice of a man. He was singing a popular song back then (I couldn’t remember the title anymore). Despite the loud music that was plugged in my ears, I had to pause it so I could hear his voice more. There, I started to gain interest in him.

From that day, I kept noticing him around the school halls. Thankfully, I knew what block was he in and the list of the students per block were posted. I checked the list and wrote down the possible names of him so I could search it on Facebook when I get home. Thankfully, it was one of those names. I didn’t add him as a friend. He doesn’t know me, so why would I?

I started “stalking” his profile pictures, headers and even the about me section. Something about him triggered me even more to keep my interest in him. “Wow.” I told myself. He’s unbelievable.

Days passed by, his looks started to catch my attention. I said before that he wasn’t my type right? But boy I was wrong. Every day when I see him, he makes my heart flutter and I go crazy inside. It’s funny because I only started liking him because of his talent and background. I never thought of liking him by his looks and all.

Every time I think about what I said, I just laugh. What happened to “not falling in love this year”? I guess you can’t stop your heart from beating when someone catches your attention. It’s not like you can control it yourself. Maybe you can but eventually when you get tired of controlling it, it’ll give in and fall.

Miss Nobody: Signing In

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Hi everyone! My name is Miss Nobody, or so I preferred to be called one. I wanted to keep my identity hidden because I’m not confident enough–yet–to reveal myself as I express my thoughts and feelings about certain things. I know everyone has their own freedom to say their opinions and comments. This is why I created this blog. I wanted to voice out whatever it is inside me that I couldn’t say in person.

I’d like to apologize in advance if ever I say something against your belief or something that you disagree with. Again, it’s my blog. I blog whatever want and I hope I find someone who shares same interests and thoughts as me. I thank everyone in advance for reading my posts. It means so much for me by just you viewing it. It means my posts caught your attention. Mission success for me then!

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